Dreams Of Madam President

GQ Magazine recently ran a story featuring some of the many, many, many, many, many progressive certainties dreams that failed to come true when Hillary Clinton caused Hillary Clinton to miss Hillary Clinton’s historic coronation as the nation’s first felon female president.

“A lot died when Donald Trump won the presidency—facts, optimism, our will to exercise,” wrote Liza Corzillo, the writer of the piece in what used to be called Gentlemen’s Quarterly, which is no longer neither quarterly nor about Gentlemen, but rather a monthly mag about New York metrosexuals and the men and occasional women who love them. “Not least of which were some incredible Hillary Clinton victory cartoons that never saw the light of day.” Whhaaaaat?!

Follow the link if you have the mental and intestinal fortitude to see them all; meanwhile, I will translate the remarks made by the illustrators into historically accurate and reasonable English.

Ward Sutton’s entry is a great place to start. Love Trumps Hate is, as you know, what the black-booted, black-shirted, black-masked, black hoodie wearers scream when a mob of them beat some unarmed person unconscious in the street because they hold a different opinion. Lovingly.

“I think she had the potential to be a tremendous success as president.” Mr. Sutton was quoted as saying. “Also, it’s high time we had a woman in charge!” You bet, Ward! If Hillary had been elected that would make having a woman in charge three terms in a row!

It is not mentioned in the text, but if I had to guess I think that this was based on a photograph of HRC watching the women’s volleyball team practicing for the 2016 Olympics in Rio.

This entry, by Leah Goren, sums up Hillary’s appeal to women so charmingly, don’t you think? Inspired to be a woman at work today. You can tell she is a woman at work today, because unlike those not-really-women Republicans, Hillary-supporting women show that they are more than a match for the Patriarchy by drawing flowers all day. Not, you know, doing Republican things such as running winning presidential campaigns like that non-inspirational, non-woman Kellyanne Conway.

Leah is inspired to be a woman at work today by imagining Hillary Clinton, hard at work at the desk of the State Department, reviewing the hundreds of millions of dollars the Clinton Foundation received and what changes the government of United States of America will have to undertake in return for all of that cash.

It’s nice to see that Hillary has on her desk (L-R) a personally-autographed head shot of Chloe Grace Moretz, a picture of daughter Chelsea in the fabulous wedding dress paid for by the non-profit Clinton Foundation, and I was especially moved by the gold-framed photo of Hilary posing with the one person who could make her progressive agenda possible: Ruth Bader Ginsburg. 

Jeng Wei says of the above that “I was watching a few of Hillary’s past speeches for reference, and the sketches ended up being more of an immediate response.” Can we all agree that Jeng Wei, in a series of quick sketches, has captured exactly who Hilary Clinton is, what she stands for, and why she was running for office in the first place?

“I wanted to capture a thoughtful, happy expression with eyes looking toward the future,” artist Lauren Tamaki says of her striking work, pictured above. The post-election abandonment of this illustration is particularly tragic because an extensive Google images search reveals that there is not one single extant photograph of Hillary Rodham Clinton looking either thoughtful or happy. We must cherish this historic document, and ensure that it survives for the ages.

Finally, the best of breed: GQ itself commissioned artist Cun Shi to depict a brilliant, confident, charming, tough-yet-kind, patriotic President of the United States of America. GQ, alas, did not go with this design because no one could identify the person depicted in the drawing.

Published Mar 3, 2017